Cunnilingus 101: tips from a (self proclaimed) expert

One of the biggest changes when you go from having spent years in relationships with men to being in a relationship with a woman is, unsurprisingly, the lack of penis.

Let’s face it.  A penis makes sex easy.  You partake in a little foreplay, you get wet, he gets hard, he clambers on top, puts it in and BOOM, we have lift off.  After repeated in-out-in-out-in-out an orgasm or two happen, he rolls off, you go to sleep.  Sex – mission completed.

While I think sex is a lot broader in scope than simply being all about penis-in-vagina (as I explain in a previous post), it is THE most common type of sex that is had between men and women.  And rightly so, because it can feel amazing! It just isn’t as straight forward when neither of you have a penis though.

In the early days of our relationship, my wife and I enjoyed exploring different ways to give each other the sexual pleasure that prior to that had only been achieved because of the mighty penis.  We used toys, we used our fingers, we used our tongues, we used our hands, we even used our legs.  I think that for both of us, that exploration led to us learning a lot about our own bodies, in a way we probably wouldn’t have in a typical male/female relationship. Continue reading

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More to girly sex than strap ons!

Since I announced oh-so-happily that I was in a relationship with (and am now married to) a woman, I cannot tell you the amount of times a discussion about sex or sexuality has led to me being asked (sometimes shyly, sometimes very curiously, always assumptively) “How many strap-ons do you own?”

The simple answer?  None.

Am I against strap-ons?  No!  I think they are a very awesome invention, and completely understand why some people (men, women, gay, straight, everything in between) rave about them; they are just something my wife and I have never felt the need to experiment with in the bedroom… or anywhere else!

Personally, I think part of the reason people presume strap-ons play a part in the sex life of all women who are in a same sex relationship, is because most people associate sex with penetration of the vagina – generally by a phallus – therefore, two women can’t have sex unless there is an artificial penis involved. Right? Continue reading

Spanking: for the fun of it

Everything I read about spanking, seems to be heavily linked to a BDSM lifestyle.  Whether it is an informative article, or in a story, it always seems to connect back to BDSM, with the spanking being about control and punishment. I’m not stupid, nor am I naive, I KNOW that spanking does fall into the category of BDSM.  I know a lot of dominants enjoy spanking their subs, I know that a lot of subs enjoy being spanked… and all the more power to them!!!

I’m not here to ‘bash’ the BDSM lifestyle, because there are aspects of it which fascinate me!  It’s not a lifestyle I wish to lead, but I know plenty of couples who do, and every single one of them seem to have amazingly strong relationships… which is more than I can say about some of the ‘vanilla’ couples I know!  Who gives a fuck what other people do in their private life?

But you know what?  Doms and subs, BDSM aside, some of us enjoy spanking our better half simply because THEY ENJOY IT. Continue reading

Long distance (self) loving

If you want to test the strength of your relationship, I suggest you try twelve months living apart. Not just on opposite sides of the town, but on opposite sides of the country.  For twelve months my wife and I had a long distance relationship.  It wasn’t a case of only seeing each other on weekends either – our time together was during the school holidays – which equated to a total of EIGHT weeks together out of the first fifty two. We made it work though, and have now been living together for almost eighteen months (and married for almost fourteen)… for us long distance is a thing of the past.

There is no point trying to sugar-coat it, long distance relationships are HARD.  They are full of emotional ups and downs, they can be as frustrating as hell, and may cause you to shed more than a few tears.  If your relationship is strong enough, if you are meant to be – you will survive – and your relationship will be stronger for it.  If you aren’t in it for the right reasons, or can’t be bothered putting in the time and effort required, the relationship will soon fizzle out.  Communication is important in ALL relationships, but more so when it comes to long distance relationships. Continue reading